“Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But we both know you contributed your own sins to the marriage as well.”
-Concerned Christian “friend”
This sort of response to adultery is wrong on multiple levels:
First, this sort of response indicates the speaker is equating sins via suggesting the faithful spouse’s sin(s) in the marriage offset–so to speak–the adultery committed against him.
It is stance akin to the “It takes Two To Tango” ungodly mindset. Our sins do not give another permission to sin against us. Ever. That goes for adultery as well.
Second, it is an extremely insensitive thing to say to an adultery victim!
An adultery victim is a victim of soul rape. It is an emotional and spiritual trauma of the highest degree to have experienced. Talking this way is like talking to a rape victim concerning her choice of wardrobe. This is not the time for such a discussion. It misses the point and demonstrates a callous disregard to the victim’s feelings. And it is a subtle blame-shift suggesting the victim somehow brought the soul rape upon himself/herself.
Third, the way it is phrases suggests a false sin equivalency.
Such a statement says the speaker does not grasp the gravity and severity of adultery’s destructive impact on its victims. Not all sin is equal in the devastation it creates. An unkind word here or there is not as devastating as months or years of lies plus sexual infidelity with all the STD risk that goes with that. To put these things in the same category as the speaker does illustrates a gross ignorance and insensitivity to the realities involved in situations involving infidelity. And that is the kindest interpretation one can give.
A more cynical interpretation is that the speaker is attempting to justify the cheater’s infidelity and place blame on the faithful spouse. That’s plain wicked.
“Of course, her cheating on you was wrong. But we both know you contributed your own sins to the marriage as well.”
-Concerned Christian “friend”
My response:
“There is no ‘but’ in God’s condemnation of adultery. It saddens me that I even have to remind you of that.”
*A version of this post ran previously.
