“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh.”
-Mark 10:7-8, NIV
“Mine!” A Toddler’s Mindset In Marriage
One of the oddest dynamics that I have seen over and again while dealing with cheaters is how protective they are about what is “theirs.”
It is like an adult is stuck in a toddler mindset crying, “MINE!”
You open up their computer or phone to discover that they are still cheating, and you become the problem for violating “my [the cheater’s] privacy.”
“How dare you touch my stuff!” they cry.
When it comes to money, they set routinely up separate bank accounts claiming that it is “for the good of the marriage.” To even ask them to chip in to cover the family costs is to be accused of “stealing” from them. In their minds, their salary or earnings is 100% theirs just as if they were never married.
“It is my money!” they cry.
The concept of “ours” seems to have evaded these people. They forget–or willfully ignore–their marriage vows where they committed everything to their spouse as part of the deal in getting married for life.
What makes this hyper-possessiveness even more ridiculous is the hypocrisy of it all!
Cheaters are quick to cry “Mine” then spend what is not theirs on their affair partners. They take sexual and emotional energies giving them to people to whom they do not belong–i.e. the affair partner(s). Money–so necessary for the well-being of have the faithful spouse and children–is squandered on fancy dinners, alcohol, trips, and sex with the cheater’s partner(s).
Happens all the time.
It is utter foolishness, hypocrisy, and childishness on the part of the cheater. They have failed to grasp their grownup commitment to live in the “ours” part of marriage.
These folks forget the spiritual truth of “oneness” that means slighting your spouse is slighting yourself as you and her/him are ONE!
“Mine!” is a cry familiar to any parent of a toddler. The hope is that the toddler will grow out of this phase into an altruistic adult grasping how living in community requires cooperation and sharing plus respect of others’ belongings.
Sadly, cheaters continually demonstrate that they have completely failed this important life lesson!
____________
*A version of this post ran previously.
