“Why can’t you just be open and honest with me?! I am being completely open and honest with you,” says a lying cheater in couples therapy.
Openness and honesty is a noble attribute of healthy relationships. That is what makes this cheater plea so dangerous.
It looks good to an outsider. In fact, it might even look good to a desperate faithful spouse who is willing to undergo further humiliation if it means he can avoid a divorce.
The reality is the cheater is making a power play here.
Notice that the cheater is not offering to give up his or her affair partner details. They may even still be denying the affair. The plea for openness and honesty is a one way street.
Knowing what you know helps them. It gives them power to know how best to contain the damage and manipulate you plus others. “Knowledge is power” as the saying goes.
Do NOT give them this knowledge!
The return plea is to insist that they go first in baring their souls and offering up what they know. See what response you get from that.
When you put it upon the cheater to open up and be honest, I would either expect self-righteous rage or further lies from most cheaters. That tells you all you need to know about their commitment to healing the relationship with honesty and openness.
