“Well, I have learned that I have to be open and honest. You never … (fill-in the cheater’s pet accusation of faithful spouse).” -Cheater to pastor/couple’s counselor

Does this ring a bell for anyone?

If it does, I submit it does as it is part of the demonic playbook to destroy faithful spouses. To be clear, I am NOT saying the cheater is demonic. Rather, I am naming this destructive force behind such lies, which seems common place in these situations. They are too common and too verbatim to simply be a cheater’s own creation. Their origin has a darker spiritual origin, in my opinion.

This line in particular is nasty and dark.

It trades off of the faithful spouse’s desire and wish for everyone to walk in integrity. What real Christian is against honesty, after all?

The problem lies in the fact that the cheater is NOT being honest.

“Honesty and openness” are just nice sounding words to put up smoke that hides their sins. They want the faithful spouse and pastor so focused on the smoke that they fail to see their sins behind it.

Also, this line is especially hurtful to a faithful spouse. It is downright cruel.

These are wounding words.

There is that speaketh like the piercings of a sword: but the tongue of the wise is health.

-Proverbs 12:18, KJV

These words hurt because they are spoken by someone we have chosen to trust. They are designed like a blade to go up and under our breastplate, our defenses, to wound us deeply.

We listen and take to heart–after all–honesty from someone we trust.

I believe some of the longest lasting wounds from a divorce from a cheater are these wounds. They are the words that cut through to our hearts.

We have to learn to spot the lie and stop the “blade.”

The cheater is not really interested in honesty. If she was, she would be divulging the lies regarding her affair as opposed to pointing fingers and talking about everything else.

Her problem is not really about an aversion to dishonesty or lack of openness in the relationship.

The cheater is averse to being caught and held accountable. The target isn’t truth but avoidance of consequences for her sins. It is a bold face lie that she feels compelled “to be open and honest.” The truth is she is under no such compulsion. So, you can dismiss her words as words devoid of truth.

Even a partial truth is a full-on lie. Never forget that.

______ *A version of this post ran previously.       ____________________

Appreciate the messages shared here? Check out my book: