“I don’t know who I am,” says Cheater.
This statement is often accompanied by some sort of statement regarding being “trapped” in the marriage. They view the faithful spouse and the marriage as an obstacle to self discovery.
The funny thing about this statement is how the Cheater is actually telling on herself.
By saying this, she is declaring to the faithful spouse that she is NOT the person he thought he married. This is very true.
None of us sign up for the abuse of infidelity when going into a marriage. We actually believed the marriage vows regarding “forsaking all others.” Secret partners was not part of those vows.
Sadly, I suspect Cheaters talking about discovering themselves are revealing deeply damaged personalities. It does not excuse their further abuse of faithful spouses via adultery and deception, though.
A man who beats his wife does not get off the hook if he claims he was just “trying to find himself.”
Abuse is abuse. It is wrong. Cheating is abuse. And like all abuse, it needs to stop.
Cheaters suggesting the need to “find themselves” are just throwing out a red herring. Self-discovery can happen without affairs, lies, and abuse. Self-discovery, thankfully, does not entail cheating.
