“He wouldn’t talk to me about the REAL issues.”
-Cheater
“We never talked. She would nag but never discuss things with me.”
-Cheater
This was a favorite Trojan Horse of my now ex-wife. It was employed with “Christian” counselors, “friends,” and family as our marriage headed to its ultimate demise.
Clearly, hiding behind the alleged “We NEVER Talk” sign is a common controlling tactic as marriages go sideways with unfaithful spouses involved.
And it is kind of ironic that a cheating spouse would use this considering all the infidelity he or she did not talk about with the faithful spouse.
The reason this tactic is so successful is because of how it preys upon reasonable expectations.
One expects a spouse to talk about major issues and decisions with his or her spouse. A pastor might expect his or her parishioner to keep them abreast of marital developments if they were already involved in handling that couple’s marriage crisis. That seems reasonable.
What is not reasonable is how this “We NEVER Talk” sign actually is used to dominate. What it really means–as I experienced it–is that the one employing the sign was not satisfied with the outcome of the conversation.
In other words, they did not get their way. The “not talking” line was used as cover for an actual power struggle. It was a Trojan Horse hiding the real agenda of the one employing it–i.e. the attempted domination of the other.
*A version of this post ran previously.
