“I was afraid of your reaction. That is why I lied.”

-Cheater

Like a child who did wrong, a cheater sometimes feigns fear in order to avoid accountability.*

They equate a righteous anger response with reason or justification to lie to the spouse they have wronged. It is not godly.

It is another reason I do not buy the cheater stance that they did not know what they were doing was wrong and harmful. They know it is wrong and do it anyways. Plus, they know their spouse would not approve. That is why they lie.

Like any good lie, the lie is bound up with some truth.

Telling the truth will likely upset the faithful spouse, because it is upsetting what the cheater did. This does not mean the faithful spouse will become violent, though.

In fact, anger is a healthy response to learning your spouse has cheated. I suspect many cheaters have never learned how to have healthy anger. Anger to them is always wrong. So, they lie to avoid experiencing the justified anger of their wronged spouse.

One can be angry without being abusive.

Cheaters try to take the “easy” way out and avoid the discomfort of facing the anger of their spouse. They claim it is about “danger.”

However, it is really about them being cowards. They are not willing to face the discomfort of experiencing righteous anger from the spouse that they have wronged.

 

 

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*Now, I am not advocating putting anyone in a dangerous situation where physical abuse could take place. Physical abuse is not okay.