“It’s not like I was trying to cheat on you. It just sort of happened.”

-Cheater

A cheater speaking like this is an unrepentant cheater.

How do I know? Well, repentance starts with the honesty of owning one’s own choices and behavior. The cheater speaking like this is not being honest on those fronts.

To this unrepentant person, adultery is just something that “happened” as opposed to something they chose to do. You cannot repent of something that just “happened” to you.

By the way, it “just happening” is a lie.

Attraction might “happen” to us. What we do with that attraction is on us, though.

• • She did not “have to” go out for drinks with the attractive coworker knowing things were difficult or stressful at home. That did not “just happen.” She did not have to follow him to his place and take off her clothes. Those were choices. They did not just “happen” on their own.
  • He did not have to continue to chat her up on the internet going down the path of sexual messaging. That did not “just happen.” He did not have to arrange a secret meet up in person at a hotel. That did not “just happen.” Such took planning. He chose to see her in a setting designed for adults to have intercourse. It did NOT “just happen.”

Until a cheater takes responsibility for the choices they made along the way to adultery, they are unable to repent. They cannot turn from their sin.

In other words, a wise pastor or seasoned Christian will challenge a cheater whenever he or she says this lame excuse for their sins.

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*A version of this post ran previously.