“I have to be open and honest.”
-Cheater
This is a manipulation game for the unaware.
A cheater seeking “openness” from a faithful spouse is really asking for them to show all their cards while the cheater holds their own close to the chest. It is a plea for one-sided disclosure.
Openness is not the goal.
Power is. Control is.
The person who knows the most about the situation has the power. A cheater pleading for openness is trying to sucker the faithful spouse into handing over all their power.
If they really were making this plea “…for the sake of the marriage,” the cheater would have led by exposing their own secrets first (as opposed to waiting to see how badly caught they were). In other words, the cheater would lead with vulnerability as opposed to demanding it from their victim.
That is the “openness” part. The other side of the phrase come with its own dangers.
Watch out when a cheater tells the pastor or couples counselor that they are “finally” going to be “honest” about the marriage.
This is the wind up for some “‘brutal ‘honesty.'” Prepare oneself to hear a verbal attack done with a fury designed to leave nothing of the marriage but scorched earth.
I put “honesty” in scare quotes as I do not believe it is true honesty. The cheater says these things to wound the faithful spouse. It is just cruelty dressed in the false clothing of “honesty.”
