Cheater-Speak: “She means nothing to me.”

“She (or He) means nothing to me.”

-Cheater

It curious how cheaters are willing to throw away very meaningful things–at least, for some people–like their character and marriage vows for someone who they claim “means nothing” to them.

My point is such statements coming from a cheater are lies. The cheater might believe them themselves. But that does not mean you ought to.

Reality says their actions tell us the affair partner meant enough to the cheater to break their marriage vows, lie, and engage in all sorts of deception.

In fact, this person who “means nothing” to the cheater meant enough to the cheater for him or her to hide the affair partner by deception from the faithful spouse for weeks, months, and sometimes even years! 

Let’s be honest:

This lie is aimed at keeping the faithful spouse from leveling consequences–like a divorce and all that entails–for the cheater’s behavior.

They are trying to gain control of the marriage narrative by this lie. The faithful spouse is perilously close to overcoming the cheater’s power to manipulate now that the affair(s) are exposed.

Trust me: It is harder to blame one spouse–i.e. the faithful spouse–for a marriage’s demise once a long-term affair has been discovered.

People generally grasp the basic concept that cheating on your spouse has a highly negative impact on marriage.

So, this lie from the cheater is to refocus the issue away from the affair. They want the faithful spouse and everyone else to believe the affair is irrelevant to the marriage issues and/or divorce.

They are trying to change the subject away from facing responsibility for what they did.

Do not fall for their manipulative ways.

“Your adulterous relationship with her might have meant nothing to you. I do not read hearts or minds. Honestly, what it means or does not mean to you is irrelevant. It means a lot to me. It means you have decided to rape my soul, and that means our marriage is over.”

*A version of this post ran previously.