“She will just keep this hanging over my head. I don’t think she will ever really forgive me.”
-Cheater to pastor
Cheater, focus on YOUR own part!
A wise pastor and Christian counselor will not take this bait to bash the faithful spouse. Instead, he or she will remind the cheater that he only controls his own behavior.
The wise pastor understands the real issue following adultery discovery is NOT whether the faithful spouse is capable of forgiveness for said acts.
The real Issue is whether or not the cheater will repent and thereby save their soul from damnation (see Hebrews 10:26-27).
The cheater is still trying to control his or her spouse when they float out the question of their victim’s ability to forgive them. This move needs to be called out and stopped dead in its tracks.
It is foolish to take this bait. The cheater does not need reassurances that the faithful spouse will or MUST forgive them.
Rather, the cheater needs a reminder that he or she needs to start working on their own part–namely, repentance.
And I suspect, a cheater floating this idea struggles in believing their victim(s) could forgive them because they are not the “forgiving type” themselves. It may just be yet another cheater projection.
The cheater needs the reminder that he or she does not control their spouses’ response. What they control is their own behavior.
Whether the faithful spouse forgives does not change what the cheater MUST do according to God.
The Bible is clear as to what the cheater’s behavior needs to be right now. It needs to be behavior evidencing a turning away from this lifestyle of sin.
God requires repentance from the cheater. This is true whether or not the faithful spouse forgives them.
In other words, the best advice is:
Cheater, focus on YOUR own part!
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*A version of this post ran previously.
