“I had to cheat to get your attention.”

-Cheater

This is an especially sick cheater-speak.

The cheater trades on a truth–namely, the affair got your attention. This obscures the lie that only an affair could get your attention and/or such a means justifies the ends.

Plenty of things will get another person’s attention that we should not do!

For example, breaking your spouse’s nose will get their attention. It is not okay to simply say getting their attention justifies such physical abuse. Victim-blaming in this matter usually is obviously wrong even to the most challenged counselors.

We need to start seeing cheating the same way.

Soul raping your spouse–i.e. committing adultery–is not a legitimate thing to do in the name of getting their attention. It is wrong. Plus, it is never their fault. 

Pastors and counselors who say otherwise are like someone telling the spouse with the broken nose that their partner was right to break it. That is sick and plain wrong.