Christ first or family first? The (ex) in-laws.

I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law.

-Matthew 10:35, NLT

While the saying: “Blood is thicker than water” too often proves true when it comes to a cheater getting support from their (enabling) parents, it is not the way of true Christ-followers.

Christ First or Family First?

When I had confirmation my my (now ex) wife’s infidelity, my in-laws were no longer on the scene. And this isn’t because they took a principled, hands-off stance towards our marriage.

Oh, NO!

They were more than happy to lecture me about my “Christian” duty. I remember even enduring a “man up” speech from the father of my (now ex) adulterous wife.

Boy, were they focusing on a speck when a huge log (named “Adultery”) was poking out of their own daughter’s eye!

I know I am not alone in such experiences.

Others have endured in-laws who professed to be followers of Christ, yet they chose to defend their child over doing the Christ-honoring thing in rebuking the child for their infidelity.

The temptation to choose a child over Christ is understandable. It is a real temptation. However, giving into that temptation is wrong.

And I believe choosing to support a child in adultery over their victim is ultimately NOT a very loving (or godly) thing to do.

Jesus was not confused that allegiance to Him could and would sometimes force a choice between family members. That–I believe–includes these situations.

2 thoughts on “Christ first or family first? The (ex) in-laws.”

  1. I understand and agree but what would real world solutions look like?

    My adulterous husband has family who are ready to meet the OW and ignore what their brother did to me and our children.

    The OW is the real life version of the bunny boiler and my X was just as evil in some of his gas lighting and manipulations.

    I shared some of what they did to me with his family.

    What would a Godly response to my X look like coming from his siblings? His parents are deceased.

    My sister in law the other day referred to my X as a great guy. UHG

    I mean if he does not show remorse or sorrow they cut him out of their lives? Or they just confront him with what he did?

    BTW – he has never shown ANY sorrow or remorse to me or the kids.

    Thanks,

    1. “If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple.”  Luke 14:26 [NASB]

      Realistically, most “Christians” are unwilling to take a stand against adultery (or maybe anything sinful). The Christian response by his siblings, etc. would be to follow Matthew 18:15-17. If they don’t, then I think your response should be to follow the same process with them.

      But first, have you followed Matthew 18:15-17 with your husband? I expect that would be difficult unless you have willing “witnesses” and church leaders to proceed. In the end, I’m sorry for my lack of faith, but I doubt any of this would have the desired result, but I think it would be the right actions to take.

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