“You must not scare her off. We must save the marriage.”

-Well-Meaning, “Christian” pastor

Reality is the cheater is already gone. The marriage is over.

If a cheater is so reluctant to attend pastoral care sessions, you have a cheater who is already done with the marriage. This is not a repentant one. The marriage is done.

“Christian” techniques often avoid facing this unpleasant reality.

However, good Christian support pushes the faithful spouse to face this reality. We are better off facing reality than pretending the world is other than it is.

Armed with the truth, the faithful spouse is far better equipped to deal with this difficult reality. Instead of conjoling a cheater into the pastor’s office, their energies are better place protecting themselves from someone committed to following his or her sinful desires.

Facing reality–even a tough reality–is better than denying the truth.