For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.
-2 Timothy 1:7, KJV
Dealing with infidelity is incredibly confusing.
The one who vowed to remain faithful to you until death do you part is behaving in very odd ways. They are supposed to be your closest friend, yet they are behaving like your enemy.
People tell you to take responsibility for their sinful actions. What was your part? They add to the confusion and the pain.
A true friend and a good pastor reminds you that you are not responsible for another’s sin and that includes your spouse’s (see 2 Cor. 5:10).
They actively combat “The Shared Responsibility Lie” that false teaching pushing shared responsibility for sin.
This is a time for clear-eyed perspective.
Good pastors and solid friends do not allow the cheater to make excuses or shift blame upon their victim. These people do not “level-sin” to minimize the utterly unacceptable behavior of marital infidelity.
(To “level-sin” is to treat all sins as the same. This is sometimes expressed as the true statement that we all sin but as a way to minimize the unique damage adultery does to marriages in the eyes of God.)
The trauma and immense grief is confusing enough. Faithful spouses do not need more lies heaped upon them that they have to defuse!
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*A version of this post ran previously.
