“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven….Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’
-Matthew 7:21, 23, NIV
Anyone who continues to live in him will not sin. But anyone who keeps on sinning does not know him or understand who he is.
-I John 3:6, NLT
A common query I encounter is the question whether or not a cheater who led such a deceitful double life–months or even years long–is a Christian.
I quote Jesus and from I John to highlight the spiritual reality that saying one is a Christian is not enough to make it so.
Actions must follow words.
Ultimately, the verdict is up to Jesus to make. However, I do believe we have enough Biblical passages to suggest an unrepentant cheater ought to be seriously concerned about his or her salvation (e.g. I Corinthians 6:9-10, Hebrews 10:26-27, etc).
When it comes to abandonment–e.g. an abusive cheater files the divorce to leave the marriage, I believe–speaking from my own personal conviction here–such an event qualifies as an unbeliever abandoning the marriage (see I Corinthians 7:15). A Christian spouse need not fight such a divorce and is free to remarry.
To those who naively think just saying one is a Christian is enough to make one so, I will simply point back to Jesus’ own words on the matter in Matthew 7:21-23 (quoted above in part).
My cheater claimed she was faithful to God in the same conversation when she later admittedly lied about being in an adulterous relationship.
Is a cheater beyond God’s mercy and grace? No.
I believe God is always ready to receive a repentant sinner home.
But God makes it crystal clear in the Bible that anyone who persists in willful sin–like lying and cheating–will not experience His mercy and grace. They are evildoers.
And, at Heaven’s Gates, Jesus tells such evildoers to depart from Him!
*A version of this post ran previously.
DM, Sir:
This is so very real. My having lived through all of the abuse (cheating, lying, abandonment, etc) from my ex husband, only sickens me when I think back on how desperately I wanted to remain married to him.
Great article and I completely agree with it. I have had offline experiences where some of the most heartless and cruel cheaters hide in the church. My ex fiancé was one, but I have seen many more Christian cheaters over the years.
I tend to believe that if a Christian truly assimilates the message of The Shema, there will be no room in their heart to commit adultery. After all, if someone loves the Lord thy God with all thy heart, all thy soul, and with all thy might, this love for God (and the well-being of God’s people) leaves no room for infidelity. Infidelity is absolutely incompatible with someone who truly follows The Shema and who evidences this love for The Shema through his or her behaviors.
No offense, but I have been absolutely stunned by the number of people in the church who do not live by the 10 Commandments. (And I am a Christian). Seeing the horrors of how people in many different denominations behave has caused me to stop going to church. Instead I dedicate at least an hour a day to consecrated prayer and my own Bible research. I also study the Jewish view of the Old Testament and this has deepened my faith.
I do give grace to others. But, I have seen the same thing so many times that I had to walk away from the organized aspect of religion. Now it’s just me, God, and Jesus and I make an effort to check myself against the 10 Commandments daily. They have always come easy to me, even during times of great and prolonged strife in my own marriage. Loving God and loving the 10 Commandments always sustained me during those times. After all, did not God give us the 10 Commandments for our own protection? If we follow them, they save us from a whole lot of unnecessary heart ache!
Thanks again,
Sarah
Sarah