The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,” and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor.
-Romans 13:9-10a, NIV
Cheaters have been known to profess their commitment to Christianity while continuing in committing adultery.
This passage from Romans makes it plain that the two are incompatible. He leaves no room for ambiguity.
You cannot continue committing adultery and really be a follower of Christ. Jesus calls us to love our neighbor (see Mark 12:31) and committing adultery is the exact opposite of such.
People can make all sorts of claims. Making a claim does not make it so, though.
Look to their actions!
A person truly committed to following Christ is concerned as to whether or not they are loving their neighbor.
This means they are concerned when told their actions are harming their spouse who most definitely is their neighbor. They do not continue the harmful behavior if they are truly committed to following Christ.
It really is that simple.
A cheater may claim to be committed to following Christ while their actions say otherwise. Believe their actions!
Amen! This is the thing I wonder about the most. I have had more conversations with God about this topic. How in the world can he possibly be a Christian after all he did and continues to do? And he has no shame or no remorse. Probably didn’t miss one Sunday in church in order to keep up the facade of this great holy nice man and he’s committing adultery, lying to me, our kids and everyone else and he even lied about me! His affair partner isn’t a Christian. The two of them have couple dates with two people who committed adultery, blew-up their families for each other and our now living together and are not married. But these are the people he hangs around with outside of church. How can he possibly be a Christian? Even though he goes to church and volunteers once a week. He other actions tell me he’s not.
And you know how cheaters just love to blameshift, gaslight and project their bad behavior onto you? Well my cheater said to me that I committed murder because I said I hated him. I guess I did, because he’s dead to me. The person who I married is dead. Or better yet, he was never alive, because I think the whole 24 years was a complete sham and the person I married never truly existed. It’s so funny how someone who blindsided me. Lied to probably 1,000 times in many forms over the course of 24 years. Cheated on me in many different forms for 24 years. Can just all-of-a-sudden get all holy and say I murdered him, because I said I hated him. Hey, cheater! Take the plank out of your eye first!
Martha,
I wondered the same thing. Immediately following confirmation of the affair I felt sure the other woman was a Jezebel who had led my pastor-husband astray. Though I still think she’s a Jezebel, after ten years of seeing him condescend to those who dared to suggest he was sinning, I’m not so sure about his salvation anymore either. This would come as a surprise to his congregation because he now pastors with that woman by his side as his wife. I don’t know if his new church doesn’t know the truth about their adulterous pastor or if they just don’t think that’s an issue. He never misses an opportunity to condescend to me spiritually and still stands in a pulpit every week.
Unrepentant cheaters live in their own version of reality and I’ve just had to accept that nothing I ever say or do will persuade him to repent. You’ll never get a viable answer to your question about how they can lead such a duplicitous life. My healthiest choice, now that our children are grown, is to have no contact with him in any way.
Me too, Renee. No contact is the way to go. I only talk with him via email or text IF I HAVE TO and ONLY ABOUT OUR KIDS that are both under age 18. Once I no longer have to have contact with him, I will never ever talk to him again. If Jesus says we can dust our sandals off with people, then I feel that is a good and healthy boundary. Jesus also says to stay away from evil people and what my ex did to me for 24 years was evil. It took me awhile to figure it out, but I did once say to his face, “What you did to me was evil” and I was only referring to just ONE DAY in our 24 years together. Now I can see the depth of his wickedness. I give you a lot of credit as an ex-pastors wife to have not lost your faith. This has been so hard for me as the church I used to attend handled everything wrong from a biblical point of view. And my ex-pastor also lied to me three times. I was pretty shocked by it, but now when I hear about pastors committing adultery, I shouldn’t be surprised at all! I am trying to get my eyes and thoughts back on the Lord instead of the cheater and the church I feel betrayed me by supporting the cheating. They fell for his lies and charm, but so did I! But God has seen it all!! And God has seen everything your ex-husband has done and has continued to do. My husbands and my kids salvation was always important to me. God saw my heart all those years and my true intentions. I will answer for myself and my ex will answer for all he did to me. And if our exes our Christians, I know God will deal with them if they don’t repent of what they did. I 100% believe that to me true.