“We NEVER talk!” cries the cheater (in a conversation with their spouse).

Cheaters say one thing and really mean another.

The arguments they fight with faithful spouses are less about what they say and more about domination. It is not that faithful spouses will not talk but rather faithful spouses do not agree with what the cheater wants.

Conversations–or really arguments–are attempts by the cheater to dominate the faithful spouse into accepting the cheater’s position.

Once one recognizes this, you can choose whether or not to engage. The reality is that nothing sort of surrender is going to be accepted by the cheater.

-It might mean surrendering your grasp on reality to their distorted picture.

-It might mean surrendering and taking blame for something done to you.

-It might mean surrendering to all sorts of verbal or emotional abuse.

I do not think it is wise to surrender.

The temptation to surrender is real. We want peace. However, the long-term pain isn’t worth it. Plus, it is really accepting a lie.

We are called to walk in the light of truth as followers of Christ (see John 3).

Pay attention to this dynamic. You do not have to surrender to it. Treat the tantrum for what it is–a tantrum from an immature person, child. Don’t give in. Do not reward bad behavior.