It isn’t my responsibility to judge outsiders, but it certainly is your responsibility to judge those inside the church who are sinning.
-I Corinthians 5:12, NLT
The path of least resistance with a cheater “friend” is to agree with their sob-story over how they “were driven” to cheat on their spouse.
But that is NOT the path of righteousness and godliness!
A godly friend judges the sin as wrong.
And this godly friend does not enable the excuse maker in avoiding taking full responsibility for his or her sins. They know God will not accept such excuses on the Judgment Day (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).
That said, I fully expect most cheaters will end their relationship with such a true and godly friend. They do not want to take responsibility for their sins.
Facing up to the consequences of their shameful behavior is a real buzz-kill:
No fun!
[And we already know cheaters thrive on pursuing their own “fun” and pleasure to the detriment of their spouse’s well-being.]
Confronting a cheater is a real gift for a faithful spouse. I do not see it as really all that different than confronting an abusive spouse over the obvious mistreatment of his/her partner.
Just as it is inappropriate to blame a wife for being punched by her husband, it is inappropriate to blame a wife for being soul raped by her cheating husband.
Turning a blind eye to such adulterous abuse demonstrates a lack of love for both parties:
First, it demonstrates a lack of love for the victim of adultery.
Second, it demonstrates a lack of concern for the eternal destiny of the perpetrator who needs to turn from his sin to avoid hell-fire (see Hebrews 10:26-27).
Cheaters will tell all sort of stories to explain away their sinful behavior. They may even genuinely believe their own lies about how they were “justified” to lie and cheat. Or their conscience might be so seared as to be incapable of seeing what they did as wrong.
Calling them out on their self-serving lies might not help them (immediately). However, it is the loving thing to do for the victims of their abusive sins.
So, ask yourself:
How would you like it if a “friend” went along with your soul rapist’s lies about how you had it coming to you? Would you consider that person a true friend who loved you or an unsafe person?
Courageous confrontation is a true gift. Both to the cheater and to her victim(s).
*This post ran previously.
Anyone who supports a cheater and his lies should be treated as an enemy of the faithful spouse.