Most importantly, I want to remind you that in the last days scoffers will come, mocking the truth and following their own desires.
-2 Peter 3:3, NLT
If a cheater is still displaying contempt for their spouse, stop wasting your time on “reconciliation” work. The cheater isn’t repentant.
Cheaters speak contempt with fluidity. I find it odd that a Christian world so quick to condemn faithful spouses for “bitterness” is silent upon such obvious signs of bitterness on the part of a cheater.
Contempt is a cancer that kills marriages.
When we have contempt for someone, we are dehumanizing them. We are seeing them as lesser beings. That means we believe–incorrectly–the basic moral rules do not apply. Hence, cheating becomes less of a big deal to such people as the faithful spouse has already been dehumanized through their contempt.
This is also why giving cheaters a platform to air their marriage grievances is a horrible idea if restoring the marriage is the goal. Such is an exercise in re-enforcing the cheater’s already demonstrated contempt for the faithful spouse.
A better way forward is to invite empathy. Allow the faithful spouse to share the real human pain experienced as a result of the cheater’s sins.
The cheater needs to be reminded that she inflicted pain on a fellow human being by her sinful actions and is NOT a greater being who is exempt from following basic morality.
This is NOT the time to allow the cheater to repeat the lies they told themselves about how they were “justified” to lie and cheat. Do not be a party to such wickedness.
