Hi DM,

I know that my comment would have almost nothing to do with your OG post, but I’ve been really struggling with this and I need your help.

I’m a Pentecostal Christian, my wife let me years ago due to infidelity, she had lots of “lovers”, my life has been a mess since then almost 25 years ago, But this is not the subject of the message.

I’ve been struggling lately with the testimony of some brothers and sisters in the Lord, the say that our Lord has show them that they’ve been living in adultery in their second marriage, and I mean people who left a marriage where they were victims of adultery, brothers and sisters with dreams and visions, who say the Lord clearly shows them that if they don’t let that marriage they would end up in hell, because they made a covenant, and like the Lord they should remain faithful (2 Timothy 2:13), that marriage would not end until the death of one’s spouses, and like Hosea we should remain waiting and praying until the other person comes back in repentance, and even if they never repent, we are not free to marry someone else, because in the eyes of our Lord we are still married to that person, even if they marry someone else, because those marriages are invalid, in the eyes of God the first marriage is still valid. And like our Saviour who suffered the worst kind of pain, betrayal and abuse, and still would take us back no matter what, and it’s patient with us, that’s the way we should wait for our spouse, because we made a deal we would love that person no matter what and the blood covenant we made in the marriage is never broken, it can be violated but never broken, some even say that if you remarried no matter the cause the blood of Jesus won’t clean you up never, because divorce and remarriage are not under the blood, because is an ongoing sin, that’s why if your are remarried you must leave that marriage. I’m sorry it is long but I really suffer ‘cause of this and I’d like to hear you opinion on this matter.

Greetings,

Angel

Dear Angel,

Thank you for writing into me. I will do my best to address the concerns you raised in your comment.

Let’s begin with some basic Scripture in regards to modern prophecy. In particular, I quote this in regards to the “dreams and visions” your brethren had regarding second marriages.

I Thessalonians 5:20-21 (TPT) says,

And don’t be one who scorns prophecies, but be faithful to examine them by putting them to the test, and afterward hold tightly to what has proven to be right.

Why are we instructed to test prophesies? I believe this is the acknowledgement that sometimes human flesh (and possibly the demonic) distort the messages we receive.

I believe some such distortion is at work in what your brothers and sisters are telling you in regards to remarriage.

You write,

I’ve been struggling lately with the testimony of some brothers and sisters in the Lord, the say that our Lord has show them that they’ve been living in adultery in their second marriage, and I mean people who left a marriage where they were victims of adultery, brothers and sisters with dreams and visions, who say the Lord clearly shows them that if they don’t let that marriage they would end up in hell, because they made a covenant, and like the Lord they should remain faithful (2 Timothy 2:13)…

Do marriage covenants only apply to God’s people in the New Testament or were they applicable in the Old Testament? Obviously, God had the same view in both eras.

In the Old Testament times, the marriage to an adulterous spouse would be over via the death penalty (e.g. Deuteronomy 22:22).  Obviously, the faithful party  would be able to remarry in that situation.

Personally, the only difference that I see between now and then is that God allows for the mercy of divorce instead of killing the adulterous spouse. The freedom to remarry without shame or condemnation remains for the faithful party.

Second, I would question the spiritual origin of these visions and dreams.

This sounds like condemnation after the fact. The Bible is clear that no condemnation exists for us in Christ (see Romans 8:1). So, this suggests to me an evil or carnal origin.

The fruit of these is not life-giving but leads to destruction and discouragement. That does not fit with the character of God. If this was Him working, I would expect such warnings to happen before the second marriage and (NOT) after the fact.

You continue,

…that marriage would not end until the death of one’s spouses, and like Hosea we should remain waiting and praying until the other person comes back in repentance, and even if they never repent, we are not free to marry someone else, because in the eyes of our Lord we are still married to that person, even if they marry someone else, because those marriages are invalid, in the eyes of God the first marriage is still valid.

Hosea is not a normative book as to instructions as to marriage theology!

It is a prophetic book and only works as long as his actions are understood as an extreme picture of love–which by definition is NOT normative. In fact, the employment of Hosea’s example for infidelity situations as normative is spiritual abuse of faithful spouses.

If we are permitted to divorce a cheater, then we are permitted to remarry. Jesus Himself gives faithful spouses this permission to divorce (see Mt 5:32 and Mt 19:9). So, I disagree with anyone suggesting that we must wait for the cheater to die before we remarry. That is adding to Jesus’ words.

You continue,

And like our Saviour who suffered the worst kind of pain, betrayal and abuse, and still would take us back no matter what, and it’s patient with us, that’s the way we should wait for our spouse, because we made a deal we would love that person no matter what and the blood covenant we made in the marriage is never broken, it can be violated but never broken, some even say that if you remarried no matter the cause the blood of Jesus won’t clean you up never, because divorce and remarriage are not under the blood, because is an ongoing sin, that’s why if your are remarried you must leave that marriage. I’m sorry it is long but I really suffer ‘cause of this and I’d like to hear you opinion on this matter.

This argument falls apart once we consider God instructed the Israelites to use the death penalty on the adulterous party. God has not changed. Yet He instructed them to end the marriage permanently by giving such a law in the Old Testament.

Also, ask yourself:

Is it consistent with God’s character to be less merciful to a victim than to the aggressor? 

I don’t think so. God would not allow greater freedom in the Old Testament for faithful spouses than He gave to us in New Testament times. This is another reason I believe faithful spouses are free to remarry after divorcing a cheater. It is more consistent with God’s character and the whole witness of the Bible.

Hope some of these thoughts help, and thanks, again, for writing in!

-Pastor David (aka Divorce Minister)