Hi Pastor Dave (DM):
I think I am doing the right thing in allowing or agreeing to my divorce. I have your book and have started reading through it. Maybe you touch on it later.
So far the book is focusing mainly on affairs where there has been physical contact/adultery. Here is my situation:
In 2015 my wife had an online affair with an old friend from another state. There was some sexual talk, but no physical contact. We went to counseling with our Pastor and I thought everything was good.
On December 10th, 2017 my wife told me she wanted a divorce. It really took my by surprise. I quickly found out the reason was because she was 'in love' with another guy in another state. She cared enough for him to want to leave her family to be with him. To make a long story shorter, this guy was a catfisher/fake. Over the next 14 months she had 6 or 7 more affairs with guys. As far as I know, none of these involved physical contact, though some did include her sending naked pictures and videos to them including masturbation.
She didn't talk too much about divorce during this time until this December (2018) when she became adamant that she wanted a divorce. She told our kids she was going to move to another state and eventually marry a guy named Jason (Jason was still married to his current wife and has a 7 year old daughter). Anyways she is on her current boyfriend. Up until 2 weeks ago when she moved out, she was spending 3 or 4 hours a day video chatting with him in our house. They have video "sex" but again as far as I know no physical adultery. She did start taking birth control pills in early January (I had a vasectomy 18 years ago so I know its not for me).
So I guess part of my question is: does adultery have to be actual physical contact, or can adultery also be true if they are have live video phone sex?
At one time my wife really seemed to have a relationship with Jesus. In the last 14+ months she has never exhibited any remorse, never seemed to feel sorry for the pain she is causing her family, never repented, doesn't read her Bible or pray.... I don't believe, now anyways, that she is saved (I can't see how someone who had been truly changed by being reborn could sin so openly and not feel guilt or pain because of it). thank you for your time and the book ...
Just-Online
Dear Just-Online,
I want to affirm your choice to allow the divorce to proceed. This is not on you. We are called to live at peace with those who serve a different god (see I Corinthians 7:15) allowing them to go their separate way if they do are unwilling to live with us as Christians.
After explaining what has happened, you ask:
So I guess part of my question is: does adultery have to be actual physical contact, or can adultery also be true if they are have live video phone sex?
You do not have to have classic adultery for biblical permission to divorce a cheater. Jesus uses the Greek word, porneia, to describe the exception in Matthew 19:9.
This word is the word from which we derive the English word for pornography. It covers a wide variety of sexual immorality. Adultery is certainly part of what the word covers, but the term is broader than just adultery.
So, I would say that you have to ask yourself if your wife was engaged in sexually immoral behavior?
I would say all the sexting and emotional affairs certainly qualify. As such, you would be allowed to be divorced through Jesus’ exception in Matthew 19:9 as I understand the text.
Then there is the I Corinthians 7:15 text that allows for divorce from an unbelieving spouse who has abandoned a Christian spouse.
We cannot judge someone’s heart. All we can judge are behavior. Only God knows for sure whether someone is a Christian or not.
That said, it sounds like her behavior is indicative of someone who does not serve Jesus as Lord of her life. And she has decided to abandon you via divorce.
I think your situation also qualifies under this verse for a divorce as I explained in my opening statement. Her behavior indicates she is serving another god as the true God demands a turning FROM sexual immoral behavior and NOT a turning TO such sinful behavior.
I hope that helps!
-Pastor David (aka Divorce Minister)
