And all his sons and all his daughters rose up to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted; and he said, “For I will go down into the grave unto my son mourning. Thus his father wept for him [Joseph].”
-Genesis 37:35, KJV
Giving up the dreams regarding your marriage are tough.
I had a dream of only being married once. My dream included only giving myself to one woman. I grew up in a culture where that was how things were “supposed to be.”
You keep yourself sexually pure until marriage. Then you marry and stay married until death parts the two.
That dream was killed with my (now) ex-wife’s infidelity and divorce discard of me.
The discard was a mercy. I think I might have stuck in that unhealthy relationship longer refusing to let go of the “dreams” I had grown to love.
Those dreams die hard.
Yet a wise person realizes when holding onto a dream is no longer serving the dreamer.
Another dream I struggled to let go of was having a spouse who knew me back when I was still a collegiate athlete. It was a huge part of my formation as a person. I wanted her to know that side of me.
That dream died hard as well.
I had to grieve its loss along with the others.
However…
The beautiful thing about God is how He excels at restoring and birthing new dreams in our hearts.
From the ashes of my first marriage, my marriage to Mrs. DM arose. I can tell you I would not surrender my marriage to Mrs. DM for anything.
The death of dreams can be really hard. They are real losses. However, who knows…
Maybe the death of your dreams are merely the ashes from which God with birth even better ones?!
_____________
Both the eBook and the paperback versions are on sale:
And the paperback is a mere $9.99 during this sale period!
My ex-wife and I also met in college. I struggled with that after for filing for divorce from my ex-wife when she betrayed me and abandoned the marriage. But it wasn’t enough for her to do that, she then went on a smear campaign and attempted to take everything from me in the courts. I fought back and vowed to make her pay for every inch of ground she felt she gained. We locked into an almost 2 year long court battled that still is not fully resolved and even though I kept the house and a lot of my prized possessions, but I still wanted her to pay. I was a faithful and somewhat abused spouse and wanted to she her struck down for what she did and continued to do. I prayed to God for vengeance and justice and felt I never got it.
However, in other ways I know God restored me and continues to bless me. I kept my house, got two consecutive yearly raises at work, was able to save more money being single with one income (instead of always being cash poor with two incomes while married), and my lawyer waived a lot the fees for the two years he spent working for me. Finally, I have been able to meet, interact with, and date a variety of different women.
Currently dating someone that I really like and see long-term potential with. She is the complete opposite of my my ex-wife as she is a very attractive and is not emotionally unstable, needy, or abusive. I know she is looking for a stable long-term commitment that could lead to marriage and also wants us to find a church family to join. I also want those things but I still carry that deeply ingrained fear of dealing with another wolf in sheep’s clothing and putting myself into another financially precarious situation. Also, that desire for revenge against my ex-wife is still lurking underneath the surface.