In his devotional entitled: “Restoring Relationships: Take the Initiative,” Rick Warren writes,
Whether you are the offender or the offended, God expects you to make the first move. Don’t wait for the other party. Go to that person first.
I was horrified to read this coming from such a well-respected pastor. He used a paraphrase Bible, THE MESSAGE, to proof-text this advice out of Matthew 5:23-24.
THE MESSAGE renders the verses in such a way where it is unclear if the one making the offering is the wronging party or the wronged. Other–more reliable translations–make that MUCH clearer.
The passage in particular is in Matthew 5:23-24 where Jesus is teaching His followers to leave their offering and reconcile with a brother if they remember the brother has something AGAINST them.
The NIV renders Matthew 5:23-24:
“Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift” (emphasis mine).
This is clearly NOT Jesus commanding us to initiate reconciliation with the person who has wrong us before making an offering!
In fact, it is generally unwise to initiate reconciliation with someone who refuses to see their abusive ways are abusive and downright destructive to you. You will likely just be rewarded with more abuse if you do.
I would not recommend following Rick Warren’s advice as it comes to unrepentant cheaters.
It is possible to make an argument for Pastor Rick Warren’s position from other Scripture. However, his point is NOT made by this passage out of Matthew.
This passage is more illustrative of God NOT being okay with “business as usual” when the person coming to him is in known sin against another brother and sister.
A better application is to say a cheater needs to right things with the faithful spouse BEFORE coming to church to worship as God is not amused!
However, such calling to account of cheaters is simply not as socially acceptable in evangelical-land as beating up victims for failing to “initiate” reconciliation.
Thanks DM, you are spot on!
It’s a politically correct move, another share responsibility teaching that allows the abuser opportunity to play victim & continue with the blame shift agenda.
His advice is setting the faithful spouse
(Victim of adultery) up for further abuse
by the unrepentant adulterer who does not fear God. (I know first hand because I followed such advice.) It puts the victim in a volnerable position & gives the cheater the power they need to continue their game.
Let me get this straight… I’m supposed to try to make something right with the married woman who messed with and wants my husband? Ummmm… No! She is still putting her junk on FB to get to me. No! I would get arrested for dumping my tea on her. ( my dream… lol).