He was despised and rejected by mankind,
    a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.
Like one from whom people hide their faces
    he was despised, and we held him in low esteem.-

-Isaiah 53:3, NIV

The divorce discard is painful.

Some cheaters cling to their marriage, and other cheaters complete the rejection by filing for divorce. Both present their own issues and pain for the faithful spouse.

Honestly, I think the cheater that files is giving a gift to the faithful spouse. They are declaring their true intentions. It still hurts, though.

The church does not do a good job at caring for the faithful spouse who finds himself or herself discarded by a cheater.

It is as if the church assumes we have a say in the ending of the marriage. Sometimes we do not.

To get and stay married takes two adults. However, it only takes one adult–in most cases–to divorce the other and end the marriage. Yet the church often stigmatizes both parties the same. It is unjust and cruel.

The divorce discard is especially painful as it salts the powerlessness wound of the whole infidelity discovery experience.

When Christians and pastors talk about divorce, they need to learn to be sensitive to people who were discarded–either by the cheating or by the discarding divorce or both. Failure to see and be sensitive to these people in our churches adds to the wounding and exposes Christians as less than Christ-like in our care for our brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.