Here is the deceptive way of the adulterous woman:
she takes what she wants and then says,
“I’ve done nothing wrong.”-Proverbs 30:20, TPT
While I believe we can all learn from our mistakes and sins in a relationship, I caution against the counsel to own our marriage sins with a cheater in active infidelity.
Such an exercise just feeds their deadly contempt. The cheater is already in the process of devaluing the faithful partner. They do not need more ammunition in this exercise.
The last thing a cheater needs is reinforcement of their pride and their contempt towards the faithful spouse.
The cheater needs to stop sinning against their partner. They need to understand what they are doing is horribly wrong and has nothing to do with the faithful party’s shortcomings (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).
If the price of getting the cheater into couple’s counseling with a pastor or Christian therapist is to talk about “both sides” of the issues, this is too high of a price. It will likely lead to further Cheater contempt and will likely end in further damage to the faithful spouse.
Such discussions with active infidelity just serves to give the cheater ammunition to believe they were “justified” in finding someone “better.”
Pastors, do you really want to be party to such lies? If not, then focus on ending the infidelity and lying. Protect the faithful party by teaching them about this dynamic.
*A version of this post ran previously.
