Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery.
-Hebrews 13:4, NLT
Some Cheaters would love to stay on “friendly” terms even after divorce.
Of course, this “friendly” terms offer does not include them owning their behavior or apologizing for it. They simply want you to remain an option for them indefinitely.
You see, it is an offer to be a part of their “harem.”
It might be sexual. It might be emotional. Or it might be both that they want. Whatever it is, you are being treated as a source of ego strokes and exist for their personal gratification.
They do not care about you.
They are NOT your friend!
Friends do not abuse friends. They do not risk their physical well-being. And they are remorseful for the hurt they cause them.
Cheaters, generally, do not exhibit these behaviors.
My pastoral advice is not to give them this option. Let them know the friendship is over as far as you are concerned. It is done.
Well said! At first I didn’t know what to make of the offer of “friendship”. When I asked them why they’d want to be “friends” they didn’t know, other than they thought it might be “nice”. I decided I was not willing to be a “hubby on call” who could fill in at the last minute for those social outings with friends where she was going to be the only single person. Not wanting to completely shut the door I said “I will be friends with you IF we BOTH mutually commit to the goal of the friendship being reconciliation and restoration of the marriage.” She was not interested in that offer at all, so that was the end of the story, though she continued to try to be “friendly” towards me for ego strokes and to be able to tell friends and family that she “tries to be friendly with him but he ignores me” and other variations to portray herself as the victim. Sad but true.
My STBXH wanted to be friends, but I copped on and told him that he hadn’t been MY friend for quite some time!
As far as I’m concerned, being someone’s friend means caring about them, and being trustworthy. It does not mean being deceitful, devious, using them and a person who is your friend definitely won’t stab you in the back1
Adultery is an act of deep betrayal and also an act of spiritual violence and violation! If that’s their idea of friendship, I’ll swerve it, thanks!
I think my ex thought once we were D’ed he would win me back over for his use.
I never spoke to him again, except for the rare nod at a grandchild’s graduation or wedding. No I was not “bitter” nor did I care about him. I went on to marry and have (still have) a long marriage with an honorable man, but once someone becomes repugnant to you, well they stay that way.