Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.
-Proverbs 26:4, NIV
Has your cheater stopped cheating? Has she/he confessed the extent of the infidelity in their past?
Are the affair secrets out in the open?
I do not see much hope for marriages ravaged by infidelity when the answer to all or even one of these questions is “No.” The cheater is still digging a hole.
An amazing thing to consider is how many Christians do not even consider these basic questions as it comes to divorce and infidelity. They just assume the faithful spouse owns responsibility–at least in part–for the divorce.
That drives me nuts!
How do you heal a marriage with one party unwilling to end the abuse of the other? Would you encourage a dear friend to return to that scenario? Is that loving or even godly?
The reality is faithful spouses do not have even the basic blocks for healing the marriage with a cheater unwilling to end the lies and the cheating. By the way, I consider it maintaining lies when a cheater refuses to answer the faithful spouse’s questions about the affair or withholds information. Those are lies by omission.
These are situations where restoring the marriage is not a real option.
A wise pastor or Christian friend will tell the faithful spouse to “not bother.” The cheater has given up on the marriage. You cannot restore a marriage with one party checked out of even doing these very basic things.
The cheater has to stop digging first. Minimally.
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