“Don’t you see that you have divorced her in your heart?” says clueless counselor (after revelation of her confessed emotional affair).

What does “divorced in your heart” even mean?

When I heard something like this, I was desperate to save the marriage. The disconnect from this sort of counsel, and the reality that she was a cheater who actively destroyed our connection was never made by this counselor in our joint sessions.

I am a strong proponent of NEVER allowing the conversation to change in joint sessions away from the cheating until convinced the cheating is done and repented from.

A cheater will either face their sin or refuse to attend sessions. That will tell you how “sorry” they truly are about their cheating.

Honestly, it is a waste of time exploring the “marriage troubles” as long as cheating is part of the picture. A good pastor or counselor understands this.

“Don’t you see that you have divorced her in your heart?”

Reply: “I think you are forgetting the part where she was already sleeping–at least–in her heart with someone who is not her husband. Maybe start there if you are looking for why the marriage is jacked up?!”