+Picture of a mole caught in a trap

But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands.

-Jonah 3:8, KJV

Let’s be honest:

Repenting and facing one’s “demons” is hard work!

This is why I think it is rarely done. The cheater does not want to work that hard. Plus, they lack the moral courage to do such work. They are shallow, weak people.

It is scary work. They have to face themselves and the evil within. That is not easy. It takes real, substantive courage.

The easy route is simply to blame the faithful spouse and/or the marriage.

Sadly, many pastors are fine with this choice. In fact, they help them along that line of thinking instead of teaching biblical repentance.

This is not to minimize or dismiss the very real sins committed against the cheaters in their past. Some have some really awful stories. However, that does not absolve them of responsibility for their own sins (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).

To be clear:

Sinning out of being sinned against is still wrong.

A godly response is to process that painful history. But that takes courage and a willingness to face the pain and trauma. (This is more evidence cheaters are weak and lack moral courage.)

The saddest part of this is how cheaters will continue to run from their self work and even pastors will enable this.

They enable this by telling the cheater to blame the marriage or their partner. That is the broad road to destruction. It is ungodly advice and helps no one.

 

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*A version of this post ran previously.