But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands.

-Jonah 3:8, KJV

Let’s be honest:

Repenting and facing one’s “demons” is hard work!

This is why I think it is rarely done. The cheater does not want to work that hard.

Plus, this is scary work. They have to face themselves and the evil within. That is not easy. It takes courage.

The easy route is simply to blame the faithful spouse and/or the marriage.

Sadly, many pastors are fine with this choice. In fact, they help them along that line of thinking instead of teaching biblical repentance.

This is not to minimize or dismiss the very real sins committed against the cheaters in their past. Some have some really awful stories. However, that does not absolve them of responsibility for their own sins (see 2 Corinthians 5:10).

Sinning out of being sinned against is still wrong.

A godly response is to process that painful history. But that takes courage and a willingness to face the pain and trauma.

The saddest part of this is how cheaters will continue to run from their self work, and Christians enable this by telling them to blame the marriage or their partner. That is the broad way to destruction. It is ungodly advice and helps no one.