4 On the day Jonah entered the city, he shouted to the crowds: “Forty days from now Nineveh will be destroyed!”
-Jonah 3:4, NLT
Cheaters need pastors focused on exhorting them to repent.
We do them no favors by holding back about this important spiritual work. Their souls are in danger (see Heb 10:26-27).
Instead of badgering a faithful spouse over their forgiveness process, our efforts would be better employed emphasizing the need for the Cheater to repent.
Like those in Nineveh, the repentance means changing of behavior and a cessation of their evil acts. It is not just words. We should see behavioral change for a truly repentant Cheater.
Sadly, this will be a too heavy lift for many Cheaters. They are not interest in humility and self-denial. This entitlement mentality is not going to change beside a miraculous intervention, in my opinion.
However, by insisting on repentance, you make the situation clearer. It helps to know as a faithful spouse that you truly had nothing to work with.
“Instead of badgering a faithful spouse over their forgiveness process, our efforts would be better employed emphasizing the need for the Cheater to repent.”
And to emphasize the importance of walking away from sin. Our preacher tried so hard to get my ex to listen, he wouldn’t, he was not going to walk away from the sin of adultery, and so he continued on and then when the high from his sin with the ow waned, he turned to cheating on her; then to gambling himself into bankruptcy. The last exuberant (think Ester Perel) act of his life was buying a 115 thousand dollar RV, while all he could afford for him and ow/wife to live in was a run down trailer. My son tried in vain to stop him from buying it, he asked his dad how his wife would pay that off if he died, his answer “I don’t care, I will be dead”.
My ex and I could have never rejoined, but I wish with all my heart my ex had walked away from sin and rebuilt his life. He could have, but he was seemingly hell bent on destroying himself. That was very hard for my son to watch.