“Could we meet up and discuss what went wrong between us?” asks Cheater. You would be forgiven if you thought this question was about understanding and information exchange. It is not. Cheaters know that they cheated. What they do not have is a way to offload their guilt effectively. THAT is the purpose of the … Continue reading “What went wrong?”
Growing Hope
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. -Hebrews 11:1, NIV Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. -I Corinthians 13:13, NLT When going through the darkness, faith in God’s goodness is important. This faith is an act of … Continue reading “Growing Hope”
“Nothing to do with our marriage problems?” Really?!
“[Other Woman] has nothing to do with our marriage problems,” says caught Cheater. “Really? ‘NOTHING to do with our marriage problems?’” replies flabbergasted faithful spouse. Cheaters will try to hold onto the marriage narrative with an iron grip. That is what this exchange illustrates. They refuse to be seen as the “bad guy” in the … Continue reading ““Nothing to do with our marriage problems?” Really?!”
Made me
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good. He brought me to this position so I could save the lives of many people.” -Genesis 50:20, NLT I work in a prison. It is my day job–i.e. the job that pays the bills. To be honest, I did not see myself working … Continue reading “Made me”
A song surfaces grief
Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “A song surfaces grief”
Do not enter! …their warped reality.
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Do not enter! …their warped reality.”
Season for divorce? Yes.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Season for divorce? Yes.”
Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)
Maybe it isn’t so bad? Maybe it is “just” an emotional affair?! For me, knowing my Cheater had a physical affair was more traumatic than dealing with an emotional affair. So, I minimized what I knew was the case from evidence until the truth was unavoidable. The truth became unavoidable when she coped to committing … Continue reading “Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)”
Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.”
“I can’t pretend anymore!” declares Cheater. This declaration is usually followed by some sort of blame-shift onto the faithful spouse where Cheater attacks the marriage and devalues their spouse. They are the hero in their mind living their “truth” and unwilling to play pretend in their marriage anymore! The irony is that they are lying … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.””
Beware: You are vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Beware: You are vulnerable!”