Years ago, Chump Lady ran a post about how abusers operate. It is a vulgar version of Abuser TV (see post here). I have found it extremely helpful in decoding behavior of abusers in general. This includes Cheaters as well as others like spiritual abusers. I find understanding the three channel cycle is helpful in … Continue reading “Three Channels of Abuser TV”
Author: Divorce Minister
Defiled Temples of Carnal Christians
Because we have these promises, dear friends, let us cleanse ourselves from everything that can defile our body or spirit. And let us work toward complete holiness because we fear God. -2 Corinthians 6:1, NLT Cheaters defile the very temple that is their bodies by engaging in adulterous sin. We know this is the case … Continue reading “Defiled Temples of Carnal Christians”
The unknowns suck
Not knowing when the cheating started happening, sucks!!! Maybe you know a general time frame? However, Cheaters are generally silent when it comes to giving you the details you so desire to regain a sense of clarity about what was happening over the months or years. It sucks. This is another loss among many when … Continue reading “The unknowns suck”
A wicked way to go!
If a man is discovered committing adultery, both he and the woman must die. In this way, you will purge Israel of such evil. -Deuteronomy 22:22, NLT Cheaters sometimes choose adultery as a way to totally blow up their marriage on the way out. They are executing their plan to abandon their spouse via the … Continue reading “A wicked way to go!”
Grieving is complicated.
Grief hurts. It surprises even years after the loss. You might think you have “dealt with that” only to discover feelings ambush you at some surprise moment. Our culture does not do grief well. Churches can be especially bad on this number. This is particularly true as it comes to the grief associated with a … Continue reading “Grieving is complicated.”
Almost forgot anti-anniversary yesterday!
Yesterday was the anniversary to my divorce becoming final. I almost forgot. It was just another day. That said, I will never forget where I was the moment I received the official word that my first marriage was over. I was sitting in a van at work. Thankfully, I was not alone that day. The … Continue reading “Almost forgot anti-anniversary yesterday!”
YOUR decision!
But I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. And anyone who marries a divorced woman also commits adultery. -Matthew 5:32, NLT Faithful spouse, you are free to choose divorce over staying in an abusive marriage with a cheater. This is what I see … Continue reading “YOUR decision!”
Cheater-Speak: “I don’t know who I am.”
“I don’t know who I am,” says Cheater. This statement is often accompanied by some sort of statement regarding being “trapped” in the marriage. They view the faithful spouse and the marriage as an obstacle to self discovery. The funny thing about this statement is how the Cheater is actually telling on herself. By saying … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I don’t know who I am.””
Not “an easy way out”
Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me remove the speck from your eye’; and look, a plank is in your own eye? -Matthew 7:4, NKJV A faithful spouse choosing to divorce a cheater is not taking the “easy way out!” It is disgusting that a follower of Christ would ever suggest such a thing. They … Continue reading “Not “an easy way out””
That pursuit advice is trash.
“I know she cheated. But what you need to do is pursue her like Christ did His Bride, the Church,” says naive Christian leader. The pursuit advice is trash. In my opinion, the last thing a narcissistic adulteress needs is more suitors fawning over her. She does not need to be treated as the prize … Continue reading “That pursuit advice is trash.”