“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “Sounds like you believe that,” replies faithful spouse knowing otherwise. I don’t miss arguing over reality with my Cheater. Those were crazy-making experiences. She would attempt to force her will on me to agree to a certain narrative. It was a power struggle. I am glad those days … Continue reading ““Sounds like you believe that.””
Author: Divorce Minister
Validation. What a gift!
Whether it is validation through evidence or validation from another human being who sees the real injustice and names it as such, validation is a precious gift. I truly believe such validation is necessary for healing from adultery and abandonment. We need to be seen. Our pain needs to matter to someone, which includes ourselves. … Continue reading “Validation. What a gift!”
Sin is to be silent.
Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. -Ephesians 5:11, NIV If you know something, say something. It is that simple. We are commanded to expose the “deeds of darkness,” NOT to keep them hidden. If we do not obey a command, we are sinning. It is a sin … Continue reading “Sin is to be silent.”
CHOOSE your VICTORY narrative!
Instead of shame and dishonor, you will enjoy a double share of honor. -Isaiah 61:7a, NLT Why would you choose to accept the lie-filled narrative from your cheater as your own narrative? Choose your own victory narrative! Remember: You are not the rejected spouse. RATHER, you are the FAITHFUL SPOUSE! You are not the morally … Continue reading “CHOOSE your VICTORY narrative!”
Love this new country song
I love a new song on the country stations is about someone who is no longer consumed by thinking about a paramour. This song is a statement about someone who is no longer entrapped by a feelings and thoughts about a Cheater–e.g. wondering where he is at night. It is a song expressing what it … Continue reading “Love this new country song”
A healing dream
Ever had a healing dream? This morning I a woke from a dream feeling validated and more whole than when I went to bed last night. I had a dream that was a gift from God. The dream was about a work situation from years ago. I had a conversation with someone with authority who … Continue reading “A healing dream”
Chillingly “good” liar
Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, But those who deal truthfully are His delight. -Proverbs 12:22, NKJV A Chilling Liar What is especially unnerving about discovering a Cheater who is a good liar is thinking about where the lies end. It is a bottomless pit! You cannot rely on your own ability to detect the lies as they … Continue reading “Chillingly “good” liar”
A voice for righteousness!
“For the lips of a priest should keep knowledge, And people should seek the law from his mouth; For he is the messenger of the Lord of hosts.” -Malachi 2:7, NKJV Seeking help from a pastor in situations of infidelity is different than seeking help from a therapist. This verse from Malachi 2–ironically, before the infamous passage on divorce–highlights … Continue reading “A voice for righteousness!”
Blaming their misery on you!
“Can’t you see that I am ‘dying’ here!” says dramatic Cheater. Some Cheaters want to make you responsible for their happiness or misery. They refuse responsibility for their own feelings. The danger arises when we believe them and accept such responsibility, which isn’t ours to carry. We do not have the power to control the … Continue reading “Blaming their misery on you!”
Grief is weird.
Day and night I have only tears for food, while my enemies continually taunt me, saying, “Where is this God of yours?” -Psalm 42:3, NLT Grief is weird. This struck home for me yesterday. It was about a loss unrelated to my divorce. I was thinking about my grandmother. She died twenty years ago to … Continue reading “Grief is weird.”