What just happened? You thought your spouse would never cheat on you. That was until you were faced with indisputable evidence to the contrary. It is a sucker punch to the gut. I think infidelity discovery is one the most disorienting experiences a human can have. The betrayal is soul deep. Depending on how long … Continue reading “Sucker punch feeling”
Author: Divorce Minister
God is SO good and caring!
5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. 6 God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. -Psalm 68:5-6, NIV Our God is someone who cares for the isolated and imprisoned. What I love about the Psalms is how … Continue reading “God is SO good and caring!”
Pride’s kissing cousin, Contempt!
As the Scriptures say, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” -James 4:6b, NLT When your cheater shows contempt for you, that is a sure sign that they are not the least bit repentant. Now, they may be annoyed to have to deal with the consequences of their actions. Their god-like assessment … Continue reading “Pride’s kissing cousin, Contempt!”
Forgiveness is NOT a lobotomy!
Forgiveness is NOT a lobotomy! When we forgive, we do not forget. The experiences we have had stay with us–especially the hard ones. Few things are harder than discovering your spouse cheated on you! I am sure I will carry the technicolor memory of my ex-wife quasi-confessing her cheating on Thanksgiving Eve 2012 for the … Continue reading “Forgiveness is NOT a lobotomy!”
Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….”
“If only you would have done everything to bring in money, then I wouldn’t be so miserable.” -Cheater Some Cheaters genuinely believe their spouse is responsible for their feelings, especially their happiness or lack thereof. This is a losing proposition for faithful spouses. We cannot succeed in this rigged game. Humans are responsible for their … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “If only you would have….””
No excuse. Period.
Thou shalt not commit adultery. -Exodus 20:14, KJV With the way faithful spouses are handled after adultery discovery, you would think this verse from the Ten Commandments said something different. “Thou shalt not commit adultery” [UNLESS]… …you have a difficult marriage. …you are not getting “enough” sex. …your spouse isn’t connecting with you emotionally like … Continue reading “No excuse. Period.”
Avoid using your Cheater’s therapist!
Public Service Announcement: Do NOT use your cheater’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling! One of my many mistakes with my first marriage’s demise was agreeing to see my (now ex) wife’s individual therapist for couple’s counseling. The therapist and her had worked with each other for months, if not years, by that point. I knew … Continue reading “Avoid using your Cheater’s therapist!”
Built up negative marriage fantasy
“Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say.” -John 8:43, NIV “When he [the devil] speaks a lie, he speaks from his own resources, for he is a liar and the father of it. But because I tell the truth, you do not believe Me.” -John … Continue reading “Built up negative marriage fantasy”
“Bitter” used to discredit and dismiss
See to it that no one falls short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many. See that no one is sexually immoral…. -Hebrews 12:15-16a, NIV I am troubled. What bothers me is how the word “bitter” is used to discredit and silence victims of adultery. … Continue reading ““Bitter” used to discredit and dismiss”
Ultimate Defiance – Defying God
“Do everything they say to you,” the Lord replied, “for they are rejecting me, not you. They don’t want me to be their king any longer.” -I Samuel 8:7, NLT For whatever reason, recognizing the larger picture is helpful. Cheaters are not “just” rejecting their spouse. They are rejecting God. They may say otherwise. In fact, they … Continue reading “Ultimate Defiance – Defying God”