Yesterday, Mrs. and Munchkin were with me at a local restaurant. A country song came on overhead, and I was immediately transported to my first honeymoon. Poignant was the memory. Kind of sad but also happy in the sense that it was a joyous time when the memory was made. This is grief. I am … Continue reading “A song surfaces grief”
Author: Divorce Minister
Do not enter! …their warped reality.
There is more hope for fools than for people who think they are wise. –Proverbs 26:12, NLT They traded the truth about God for a lie…. –Romans 1:25a, NLT Cheaters can come across as so confident in their lies. This confidence has the power to make even the most stalwart faithful spouse second-guess their instincts, hard evidence, … Continue reading “Do not enter! …their warped reality.”
Season for divorce? Yes.
For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. -Ecclesiastes 3:1, NLT Sometimes choosing divorce is the best of bad options left for a faithful spouse. This is why I cite this wisdom verse. It is allegedly written by the wisest of all humans–bar Jesus–King Solomon. Everything means everything. That includes … Continue reading “Season for divorce? Yes.”
Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)
Maybe it isn’t so bad? Maybe it is “just” an emotional affair?! For me, knowing my Cheater had a physical affair was more traumatic than dealing with an emotional affair. So, I minimized what I knew was the case from evidence until the truth was unavoidable. The truth became unavoidable when she coped to committing … Continue reading “Maybe it isn’t THAT bad? (It was worse.)”
Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.”
“I can’t pretend anymore!” declares Cheater. This declaration is usually followed by some sort of blame-shift onto the faithful spouse where Cheater attacks the marriage and devalues their spouse. They are the hero in their mind living their “truth” and unwilling to play pretend in their marriage anymore! The irony is that they are lying … Continue reading “Cheater-Speak: “I can’t pretend anymore.””
Beware: You are vulnerable!
Beware that the ending of your marriage leaves you vulnerable! I am not suggesting living in fear. However, I recommend a sober-eyed assessment about how your needs leave you open to unhealthy relationships. In separation and early divorce, you are grieving and learning how to deal with loneliness and loss of intimacy with the opposite … Continue reading “Beware: You are vulnerable!”
Not about caring about self too little!
Only fools say in their hearts, “There is no God.” They are corrupt, and their actions are evil; not one of them does good! -Psalm 14:1, NLT Cheaters do not become Cheaters because they are selfless creatures sacrificing what they want for others. Any Cheater feeding you this sort of narrative is VERY self-deceived! There … Continue reading “Not about caring about self too little!”
Unbidden memories
Sometimes the memories resurface at the strangest times. That’s the nature of grief. It ambushes and goes at its own speed. And the difficult memories are not the hard ones. They are the “good” memories. Those memories are the hardest for me, at least. “Good” memories drive home the thought that something worthwhile was truly … Continue reading “Unbidden memories”
PSA: Not abuse to insist on the ending of cheating!
Public Service Announcement (PSA): It is not abuse to insist the cheater end the affair! Someone needs to see this. Cheaters will pull out all stops to make the faithful spouse look like the bad person. Insisting the affair end is a healthy boundary. It is respectful. You are simply refusing to accept ongoing infidelity … Continue reading “PSA: Not abuse to insist on the ending of cheating!”
Excuse for abuse? No. None.
I am convinced adultery is always abusive. Always. You cannot cheat on a spouse without abusing their trust minimally. Plus, I have yet to discover a story involving adultery where a period of deception did not take place–however, brief. In addition to that, I believe based on my reading of Scripture that adultery is soul … Continue reading “Excuse for abuse? No. None.”