When Cheaters go to pastoral counseling with their victims, they may have no interest in actually dealing with The Problem. They have successfully convinced themselves that the cheating was caused by circumstances outside of themselves. Cheaters might even blame their spouse for the cheating (see “The Shared Responsibility Lie“). These sessions are doomed. The cheating … Continue reading “The Problem is not a problem to them.”
Author: Divorce Minister
Reminder: Cheated On Support Group starts TOMORROW (Monday)!
This is just a reminder that the “Cheated On – Infidelity Abuse Support Group” starts tomorrow, Monday, September 9th. Details below. Who: Cheated On individuals–i.e. faithful spouses–seeking support from people with similar experiences. What: I will be providing teachings at these group from my perspective both as a survivor of marital infidelity and as a … Continue reading “Reminder: Cheated On Support Group starts TOMORROW (Monday)!”
Monday, September 9th – Cheated On Support Group STARTS!
Who: Cheated On individuals–i.e. faithful spouses–seeking support from people with similar experiences. What: I will be providing teachings at these group from my perspective both as a survivor of marital infidelity and as a pastor. The group will discuss and support one another. When: Mondays from 6 to 8 pm starting Monday, September 9th Where: … Continue reading “Monday, September 9th – Cheated On Support Group STARTS!”
Disturbing Dream
This morning I awoke from an unusual dream for me. In my dream, I saw my ex and her family. This triggered panic in my heart–i.e. my fight or flight response. Now, I haven’t seen these people for over a decade. Yet the mere invoking of their image in a dream STILL has the power … Continue reading “Disturbing Dream”
Saying does not make it so.
“I’m being faithful to God,” says Cheater. “It sounds like you believe that [which is a complete lie],” replies Faithful Spouse. Saying does not make it so! Cheaters say all sorts of things. You could have them dead to rights, and they will bust out this gem (see above). To them, their lies need not … Continue reading “Saying does not make it so.”
NOT about the other–faithful–spouse!
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. -Hebrews 13:4, NIV The affair is never about the other–i.e. faithful–spouse. I know this is a controversial thing to write. But it is true from a pastor’s perspective. We know this truth from … Continue reading “NOT about the other–faithful–spouse!”
Stop reading the tea leaves!
Stop reading the tea leaves! I was guilty of this. Every small signal of kindness or basic civility I took to mean that my marriage might survive. It was a lie, though. I was deceiving myself. This is where having good friends is key. These friends can speak the hard but necessary truth about your … Continue reading “Stop reading the tea leaves!”
Give up trying to control
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. -Psalm 139:23-24, KJV A natural temptation is to focus on controlling or directing the cheater’s behavior. Please do your best to resist this temptation! … Continue reading “Give up trying to control”
God’s anger and love
But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears. Then the earth quaked and trembled. The foundations of the mountains shook; they quaked because of his anger. -Psalm 18:6-7, NLT Without anger, I do … Continue reading “God’s anger and love”
What does it profit…
36 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? 37 Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul? -Mark 8:36-37, KJV But they are so successful and behave as if nothing happened! They’re off living this luxurious life while I am struggling to … Continue reading “What does it profit…”