When the infidelity betrayal is fresh, a temptation exists to write off an entire gender. I think this is very common for faithful spouses. I think it is part of the grief process. We feel vulnerable and betrayed. The trauma of it all makes us want to avoid putting ourselves in a place where … Continue reading “Temptation to write off all…”
Haughty Eyes and Lectures
There are six things the Lord hates— no, seven things he detests: haughty eyes, a lying tongue…. -Proverbs 6:16-17a, NLT One thing that is astounding looking back is how unaware of their arrogance Cheaters and their supporters were. They will lecture the adultery victim about being a “good Christian” while cheating or supporting the Cheater. With absolutely … Continue reading “Haughty Eyes and Lectures”
Deny them that power!
If you live without restraint and are unable to control your temper, you’re as helpless as a city with broken-down defenses, open to attack. -Proverbs 25:28, TPT Boy, this is a hard one to learn. Cheaters seemed skilled at needling their partner just where they are the most vulnerable. It might be over their “manhood” … Continue reading “Deny them that power!”
Anger leftovers
“Anger has something to tell us; it’s sometimes the gift that alerts us of wrong in the world.” -Susannah Griffith in Forgiveness After Trauma: A Path to Find Healing and Empowerment, Brazos Press, Grand Rapids, MI, 2024 (pp 71). I am currently reading this book on the topic of forgiveness and trauma. Thus far, it is … Continue reading “Anger leftovers”
Pure Escapism!
Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned? -Proverbs 6:27, NIV Pure Escapism I think it is important for faithful spouses to remember that their Cheater is indulging in fantasy. Their illicit relationship is not based in substance and therefore is doomed from the start. It is escapism. Instead of … Continue reading “Pure Escapism!”
A powerful worship song
When I was in the pit of adultery discovery and the divorce discard, I was attending a church that regularly played a song with true spiritual power. It is a song that lifted and lifts my eyes from my circumstances and places them on God who is holy and perfect. The song is a version … Continue reading “A powerful worship song”
Best revenge… Thrive!!!
So the Lord blessed Job in the second half of his life even more than in the beginning. -Job 42:12a, NLT As the saying goes, the best revenge is a life well lived. In other words, stop fixating on revenge and start thriving! When my first marriage was coming unraveled, I had several of my ex’s flying … Continue reading “Best revenge… Thrive!!!”
Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path
One of my most important and hardest lessons that I teach is… You only control you. I think it is a common impulse to seek to warn others about your ex. This is especially true–I think–if they are in the helping professions where people are vulnerable to them. The impulse to do this–at least for … Continue reading “Letting go of trying to limit their destructive path”
Cheaters are NOT the victims.
Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! -I Corinthians 6:15, NIV Cheater, you are the aggressor, not the victim, here! For whatever reasons, people are often taken in by the pity story a caught cheater spins … Continue reading “Cheaters are NOT the victims.”
Sinful Choices
“Today I have given you the choice between life and death, between blessings and curses. Now I call on heaven and earth to witness the choice you make. Oh, that you would choose life, so that you and your descendants might live!” -Deuteronomy 30:19, NLT Choices, choices, and cheater choices! The thing with cheaters is … Continue reading “Sinful Choices”