Engage in empathy to avoid errors

“Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets.”

-Matthew 7:12, NLT

Engage in Empathy to Avoid Errors

So many of the pastoral care errors I encountered and have heard about could be avoided if those pastors or leaders had paused long enough to seriously consider the perspective of the faithful spouse.

They failed to put into practice what Jesus said summed up the totality of the Old Testament teachings.

In his post, I want to help in this effort. Think if you found yourself in a situation where…

-You discovered not only was your spouse cheating on you with another woman but he had been hiding thousands of dollars while making you feel guilty for buying necessities. And now you have a STD because he did not practice “safe” sex with this affair partner.

-You lost your job because the church where you worked was unwilling to keep a pastor on staff who is divorced. They even knew the circumstances–namely, your wife cheated on and then divorced you. But that did not matter.

-You now only get occasional weekends with your kids because your spouse cheated on and then discarded you. They did not consult you for either action. But you must eat the consequences of their sin nevertheless.

-Your spouse has had a head start poisoning the minds of supporters regarding your reputation. He has painted you as crazy and controlling even though your “craziness” or “controlling” nature is really just a healthy and natural response to reality–i.e. he/she was cheating and lying the whole time.

Put yourself in those shoes.

Would you really think it’s helpful telling the man who lost his livelihood over his wife’s adultery and abandonment that he needs to “fight for his marriage?” Is that really how you would like to be treated in that incredibly unjust situation?

How about the woman whose reputation has been trashed? Does she really need you to help her see “his side?” Is that how you would want to be treated? Or would you prefer somehow help you see that you are not crazy and that your reality IS real?

I could go on…but you get the picture.

This isn’t rocket science but does mean looking at the dark side of human nature. It means setting aside one’s theological agenda long enough to view the situation through the eyes of the battered victim.

And if you are not willing to put in that time or emotional effort, then I say you have no business judging or telling faithful spouses what to do.