When a spouse is entertaining another relationship as a “potential” affair partner, they already have crossed over the line into emotional affair territory.

The decision to “forsake all others” was already made publicly in a wedding ceremony. This decision is being betrayed when a spouse starts revisiting that decision in considering other mate options. They are not keeping their marriage vows.

Your spouse is not an option among many!

They are your one and only.

As long as a person continues to think in options, they are opening the door for future (or ongoing) infidelity. This is an unsafe person. They should not be married.

This closing off of options is what the monogamy commitment means–namely, we commit to one person for life and will no longer entertain other “offers.”

This is why I have a pet peeve about how some Christian circles describe couples time as dating your spouse. I am NOT dating my spouse.* We are investing in our marriage under a covenant commitment to each other. That is very different!

“Dating” language cheapens the marriage covenant commitment and feeds an option mentality leading to marital infidelity.

When a spouse starts thinking that they are still selecting among options, they are no longer being faithful to their marriage commitment. This is not godly marriage.

 

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*What I find especially heinous in some “Christian” circles is how they threaten abandonment to the spouse who does not “date” and “pursue” their spouse well enough. This is horrible theology! How romantic or unromantic your spouse is ought to have no baring on whether you keep your vow to God (and them).