Don’t let anyone capture you with empty philosophies and high-sounding nonsense that come from human thinking and from the spiritual powers of this world, rather than from Christ.

-Colossians 2:8, NLT

So much advice or counsel in the church on adultery and divorce is “high-sounding nonsense” in my opinion.

Most do not approach the topic with an understanding that adultery and divorce are traumas. They cut deep–i.e soul deep.

Adultery is soul rape. The Bible teaches us that marriage is a union between two spouses. That union results in two becoming one. A third party–i.e. the affair partner–violates that oneness without the consent of faithful spouse. It’s rape at an emotional and spiritual level (see I Cor. 6).

When we have this biblical understanding of the traumatic nature of adultery for the faithful party, the usual “wisdom” is exposed for the harmful nonsense it is.

Only a sick (and wicked) person would dare ask a rape victim what they did “to contribute” to their victimization. Yet that is accepted as wisdom in dealing with adultery situations in the church all the time. “Own your part” is what they say!

Only a sick (and wicked) person would dare suggest “it takes two” in a rape situation. While technically true, this statement omits important information–like one party not being willing–and is clearly aimed at blaming the victim. This “wisdom” is spouted regularly to faithful spouses, sadly.

I lump divorce and adultery together as that is how the Bible treats these two subjects. They are strongly linked. A marriage ending following adultery is not the fault of the faithful party.

In fact, I would argue the ending of the marriage was compulsory in the Old Testament via the death sentence for the adulterous (see Deuteronomy 22:22).

Yet that argument is for another post on another day. My point is that the worldly wisdom on infidelity and divorce looks foolish and wicked when properly framed through a biblical theology on such matters.