Some pastors and marriage counselors simply feed the cheater’s entitlement.
Even when a cheater confesses infidelity–say an emotional affair–some will choose to focus on the faithful party’s “deficiencies.” They will treat the cheater as the “victim” in the marriage as opposed to the sinful aggressor that they are.
Such people fail to understand and apply the basic biblical concept that the source of sin is in the sinner, NOT the person sinned against (see Mark 7:21-23)!
I believe this failure is especially attempting when the confessed affair is an emotional one. Pastor or other leaders might be tempted to treat it as if it was “no big deal.” Then they can turn on the faithful spouse to give him marriage “homework.”
What is obnoxious about all this is how the faithful spouse’s needs are ignored.
Why not ask if the faithful spouse is comfortable with the work the cheater has done on themselves to insure this doesn’t happen again?
Why not ask the faithful spouse what the cheater needs to do to convince them that they won’t hurt them like this again?
Why does the cheater get ANY say regarding the faithful party that they admittedly harmed by cheating?
A cheater is trained and enabled to cheat when these considerations are ignored. They are taught that their (sinful) desires will be accepted and indulged at the expense of their spouse without real worry of accountability. In a word, they are taught to be “entitled.”
