For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
-2 Corinthians 6:14b, NIV
Wicked or evil people may sometimes appear–or even be–good in some settings. This truth is well-illustrated in a recent interview with the 105-year-old secretary of Nazi Germany’s propagandist, Joseph Goebbels (see here).
Adultery is evil.
The Bible is explicit about that (see Deuteronomy 22:22). It is not an “oops.”It is not just “a mistake.” It is not a “symptom.” Adultery is sinfully wicked.
Now, faithful spouses and their friends could decide to focus on all the ways the adulterous ex-spouse is or appears good. Like Goebbel’s secretary, they could decide to talk about how he was such a “good” daddy to his children. Ignoring evil is an option that people have chosen since time immemorial.
I do not recommend doing such, though. The Bible is clear that we are not to fellowship with darkness. Few things are as dark or darker than unrepentant adultery.
This is what mystifies me with most Christian sources regarding handling relationships with cheating exes: They hold up “friendship” as the ideal with no reference to the need for the adulterous party to repent before such a chummy relationship is restored.
To be blunt, this “Christian” ideal is anything but Christian.
Now, I understand the need for civility when co-parenting with an ex. I encourage this. But being civil and doing one’s necessary business–like scheduling drop-offs/pick-ups or both attending a child’s wedding–is a far cry from hosting parties and vacationing together. We are civil with people everyday–like the DMV lady–without being “friends.”
The friendship space ought to be reserved for friends. Remorseless soul rapists aren’t friends.
