And I saw, when for all the causes whereby backsliding Israel committed adultery I had put her away, and given her a bill of divorce; yet her treacherous sister Judah feared not, but went and played the harlot also.

-Jeremiah 3:8, KJV

Issues With “For the Marriage” Pastoral Stance

Sometimes, pastors, you cannot both be for godliness and the marriage surviving. Cheaters often set up that scenario.

Pastors stuck on being “for the marriage” may give ungodly advice to faithful spouses in these scenarios. They might push the faithful spouse to ignore the infidelity or set it aside when dealing with their cheating spouse.

The marriage infidelity is THE issue!

If a cheater is unwilling to end the infidelity, you do not have a marriage. You have an unholy threesome.

The focus needs to change from preserving the marriage to limiting the damage to the faithful spouse. This may mean divorce.

Some cheaters double-down on their sin. God allows us to choose the path of destruction; but He does not require the faithful spouse to go down that path with the cheater (see Jeremiah 3:8, Matthew 19:9, etc.)

Faithful spouses, I would encourage you to find a pastor who understands this basic reality about marital infidelity and divorce.

A pastor who does not understand this will not be equipped to guide you through this difficult time. They, in fact, may add to your already great emotional and spiritual confusion. That is the last thing a faithful spouse needs at this time.