And he gives grace generously. As the Scriptures say,
“God opposes the proud
but gives grace to the humble.”So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
-James 4:6-7, NLT
PRIDE…
…is the greatest–and spiritually deadliest–cheater vice.
Pride says, “I will never get caught.”
Pride says, “I deserve to be ‘happy.'”
Pride says, “She owes it to me to stay married after my adulterous betrayals.”
Pride says, “I do not owe him the truth.”
Pride says, “God brought us (adultery partners) together.”
Pride says, “I am being true to myself and honest (while breaking solemn marriage vows).”
Pride says, “But she needs to own her part of the marriage issues (after I committed adultery).”
And Pride is a liar.
A predator of the adulterous’ soul.
It is boisterous. And it cloaks itself with worldly wisdom (see here and here).
And it spiritually deadly.
Pride breaks our fellowship with God as God is forever in opposition with the proud (e.g. James 4:6).*
Pride is a HUGE barrier to true repentance.
It bars the way for a cheating spouse to own his/her choices and their consequences. Pride will not allow its slave to submit himself/herself to the humiliation–or humbling season–that needs to follow such an astronomic moral failure as adultery is.
Pride whispers into the ear of its slave, “He will always hold this over your heard, and that is no marriage. Under no circumstances should you humble yourself to the one that you have wronged.”
(And, of course, Pride already has convinced the adulterous that they ought to be able to cheat consequence free.)
It is a matter of power.
And Pride is a jealous god.
Ultimately, I believe this is why God opposes the proud. The proud are saying something–e.g. their reputation–or someone–e.g. themselves–is more important than God and what He says about the matter. In other words, someone with that stance is given to idolatry.
A proud, adulterous person cannot engage in godly reconciliation for that person is still beholden to another, false god.
And that god will take the proud, adulterous person to Hell if left unchecked.
Pride is definitely the greatest vice of the adulterous. A wise spiritual counselor will recognize this spiritually deadly threat, and then proceed as if the adulterous spouse’s soul depended on turning from such arrogance because it does.
* To be clear, I am not talking about pride in the sense that one is proud of what one has achieved. Romans 12:3 suggests that we are to have a correct estimation of our gifts and accomplishments before God. False humility–e.g. I am worthless or without any gift–is just another form of pride–i.e. glorying in groveling.
**A version of this post ran previously.
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He will always hold this over your head. That was almost the exact sentiment my cheater expressed to me when she wanted to “reconcile”. She said I’d always win any argument because I had the trump card. I told her she gave it to me! At the time I thought it was an odd statement but this highlights the core of what she meant. Thanks for the insight…again.
This is wisdom brother.
All of the above were said to me and more. He pretty much demanded that I agree to let him pursue a relationship with a homewrecker (that he had only known for a couple of weeks!) who targets middle aged men (I have proof) because if I really loved him, blah blah blah. Also he wanted me to agree to be polyamory because he could “love us both”. After 28 years of marriage, I said no. He could do what he wanted, but I wasn’t going to be involved. Choices would have consequences. It seemed like he had turned into a very evil man. Is Jezebel spirit real?