Grief hurts.
It surprises even years after the loss.
You might think you have “dealt with that” only to discover feelings ambush you at some surprise moment.
Our culture does not do grief well.
Churches can be especially bad on this number. This is particularly true as it comes to the grief associated with a divorce.
Sometimes people confuse the grief-anger for lack of forgiveness or bitterness.
They know what to tell a fellow Christian about “bitterness.” However, they are scared when it is raw pain they are encountering. They are poorly equipped to support the soul-raped.
We do not heal from losses on a fixed linear timeline. It is an emotional process.
Losses remain losses. The piece is gone. That hole will remain.
We lost part of ourselves with the end of the marriage as dividing what was one is never neat.
For me, I have the hardest time with the positive memories from my first marriage. They trigger sadness for me over what might have been if only my first wife had chosen righteousness over sin.
I don’t know about you…
Whatever it might be, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. You ARE entitled to grief in your own unique way and take as much time as you need.
You are NOT defective or necessarily bitter to have feelings years later because you feel sad or mad over what you lost. It just means you cared. That is a good thing.
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*A version of this post ran previously.
