“However, I say to you, if anyone divorces his wife for any reason, except for infidelity, he causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
-Matthew 5:32, TPT
I do not see an expiration clause here.
The permission Jesus gives to divorce a cheater does not come with an exception based on time passed after the infidelity discovery. It simply is stated as an option for a faithful spouse with no stigma of sin attached.
Sometimes cheaters whine about how the infidelity will be held over their heads as long as they remain married.
In some sense, that is true. It is not meant necessarily as a punishment. However, it is a moral consequence of their sin that a faithful spouse could divorce them at anytime based on their infidelity.
Complaining about this is an indication that the cheater lacks true remorse and real repentance.
A repentant cheater would accept this reality. They would embrace this as a consequence of their very serious sin and the trauma it inflicted on the faithful party.
It is possible the faithful spouse might not be able to heal from the trauma of the infidelity discovery and all the lies. That is not a shameful thing on the faithful spouse’s part.
Remember: the cheater created this sad state of affairs by their sins!
A repentant cheater gets this. They are grateful for every moment that the faithful spouse gives them in remaining in a marriage that ought to be over based on their sins.
You wrote this post specifically for me.
It’s a long story but my wife of 21 years confessed to adultery. Being a man born again who has never gone outside the marriage for anything, I am hurt beyond words. With the help of marriage counseling I am trying to reconcile. She has been cold and passive.
Why? I have many failures as a husband (I never laid a hand on her, but I confess my part to play in a poisoned marriage), and it has been a competition. She refuses to take responsibility, or acknowledge the pain and damage, insisting we are equally culpable in the marital problems.
It’s been 5 months, and I figure I’ll work it a few more months before I give up. I am so very bitter and resentful over it.
This post gave me strength and the perspective that I can be absolved of leaving the marriage, even if it has been a year of trying on my part. There is no expiration. I only pray for protection as divorcing at this stage in my life would cause me to start over financially, with few precious years left to rebuild.
Thank you for this blog and these posts. I have found comfort and strength in reading them during these difficult times.