But this time also Pharaoh hardened his heart and would not let the people go.
-Exodus 8:32, NIV
The reality of one’s powerlessness is one of the most difficult aspects of going through an unwanted divorce.
Yet this very real powerlessness can serve as a comfort after the fact!
As an introspective person, I find this insight helpful. The accusations and assessments of my shortcomings by my ex and her co-patriots fade away as I embrace this realization.
Ultimately, it really did not matter what I did.
She was already gone having chosen a path of sin without any interest in fixing what she destroyed.
When an adulterous spouse does not see their infidelity and lies the primary problems in the marriage, the marriage is truly dead.
They are mocking God and defiling the marriage bed by their adultery (see Hebrews 13:4).
In the moment, the powerlessness was maddening. Fresh off the divorce, I was angry with God over not being able to fix my marriage and avoid divorce.
I wanted the miracle that never materialized.
Maybe you can relate?
However, I am glad God did not answer my prayers in that way. I would never have met Mrs. DM or become Munchkin’s daddy. A whole host of blessings would never have come my way.
Back to my feelings of powerlessness, even that is a comfort now.
I look back on all those accusations and demands from my cheater and her supporters for ME to change. Those words lose their power in light of the truth that they were spoken without addressing my (now) ex-wife’s adultery.
Even if I had met their demands, that would not have addressed the infidelity and lies of my cheater. This sin was behavior I was powerless to stop and behavior that meant restoring a godly marriage was never really on offer despite words to the contrary.
On one hand, this was kind of depressing to realize. Yet on the other hand, it gives me peace today.
I do not know where you are at in your journey following infidelity discovery.
-Maybe you are at where I was five years ago desperately grasping at a miracle and accepting the “to do” list of a cheater?
-Maybe you are fresh off your divorce?
-Maybe you are somewhere in between wondering if you could avoid this divorce if you had done __ like your cheater says?
I am here to encourage you today:
You are not in control of your cheater’s behavior or choices. And you have nothing with which to rebuild a godly marriage if your cheater refuses to own up to his infidelity, lies, and responsibility to repent.
Please stop beating yourself up over a relationship outcome outside of your control!
You already know from painful personal experience that you are fundamentally powerless to change his or her sinful behavior.
Let the painful reality be transformed into messenger of comfort reminding you that you are therefore not responsible for the consequences of your cheater’s sin–including the end of your marriage.
