But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God.
-John 3:21, NIV
Graphic pictures of compromising behavior seems to be almost needed to convince some pastors and Christians that a spouse is violating their marriage vows.
I will not forget trying to get another pastor to confront my (now) ex-wife about her affair. As part of my evidence, I had records of literally hundreds of messages plus hundreds of minutes spent in conversations between this strange man and my (then) wife PER month!
This wasn’t enough for him.
He felt obligated to hear “both sides” of the story as if there existed an innocent explanation.
There wasn’t.
She was banging him.
(This she confirmed to me much later in writing. I wasn’t imagining things. That was definitely NOT an innocent relationship.)
Instead of helping me come to terms with this awful reality and confront my (then) wife for cheating, the pastor I spoke with chose to avoid the discomfort and provide false hope regarding her behavior. It was and is not good enough!
My point in this is that pastors and Christians need to grow up and become less naïve about these matters. We need pastors courageous enough to speak truth and face reality.
When a spouse is spending hours on the phone and exchanging hundreds of messages with another potential partner, this is not behavior compatible with Christian marriage. You cannot spend that much energy on another and truthful say that you’re keeping your vow to “forsake all others.” Minimally, this behavior is proof of an emotional affair.
An innocent spouse does not keep such a significant relationship hidden from his or her spouse.
In other words, if the discovery of an extensive relationship with another person–i.e. a potential partner–comes as a surprise to the faithful spouse, you can be sure the other spouse is up to something ungodly in that relationship.
_____
*A version of this post ran previously.
